you take the dark and carve me out a home

Well well well. . .

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 21:31:49 GMT

I keep meaning to update but then time gets away from me and suddenly it's 2 hours past the time I should be in bed. Had some tests done this week just to see where I am at for my nurse practitioner and uhhhh, not good. Not terrible, but not good. So yeah. Have to make some changes to my eating, which was already in progress, but I guess I have to be more aggressive and ugh, sucks. But it is what it is. Especially if I want to live past my father (he died in 2008 at the age of 56) and my mother (alive and turning 71 this year).

Anyway, I've removed the mobile game that took up so much of my time from my phone and disabled the other one so here's hoping that means I have better time management haha. I'm also trying to use socmed with intent, rather than just opening the app. Such as checking on a specific account that I follow or posting daily whimsy. I am hoping it means I get inspired to do more, such as pick up podficcing again. I had an amazing anon message on tumblr about it and now I've been thinking about it frequently and even asked permission to do a podfic of a short 00Q fic (less than 2k words) to kind of ease my way back. Last one I posted was May of 2023. Nearly 3 years. And the one before had been posted in August of 2022. So we will see how it goes.

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Our House (1333 words) by j_gabrielle

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 19:27:07 GMT

Our House (1333 words) by j_gabrielle
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Skyfall (2012) - Fandom, James Bond (Movies), James Bond (Craig Movies)
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Characters: James Bond, Q
Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Fluff, Domesticity, Don't copy to another site, do not copy to another site
Summary:

Friday nights after work on the couch watching the telly and laughing, mornings spent waking up to him and him alone, taking care of him because he forgets to do it when he’s too caught up making sure everyone else it safe.

He wants to no longer be alone.

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This is a given, an offering

Sun, 29 Mar 2026 17:17:02 GMT

Just doing my archive thing, as I do every Saturday and Sunday, and I'm currently mapping out what media the Sleep Token large fan-run discord st-media channel has and I am almost through 2022. The most recent entry I reached included a link to a video uploaded to YouTube from one of the first dates of the 2022 North American tour they were on opening for a band called In This Moment with Nothing More and the Cherrybombs. And I watched it (again probably but a year or separated) and they all doing more chaotic versions of what they do now on stage is so much fun. IV for example, his movements are a little more restrained but I see it on this stage in St. Louis in 2022 and III is always chaotic lol.

Anyway, here's that delightful video of The Offering from St Louis in 2022.

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la petite mort (3896 words) by howlingmoonrise

Thu, 19 Mar 2026 03:32:11 GMT

la petite mort (3896 words) by howlingmoonrise
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Barbie - All Media Types, Dracula - Bram Stoker, Dracula & Related Fandoms
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Barbie Roberts/Dracula
Characters: Barbie Roberts, Dracula
Additional Tags: Crack Treated Seriously, Vampires, Barbie References, Barbie's multitude of careers, Blood Drinking, Vampire Slayer(s), Podfic Available
Series: Part 1 of Howl's BCCU (Barbie Crackships Cinematic Universe)
Summary:

“Well,” she says, long and drawn out, and from the glint in her eyes he can tell this is some kind of inner joke, kept from him. “I’ve been a diplomat, and a race car driver, and a chef, and an astronaut, and a veterinarian--”

“An astronaut,” he repeats dryly. He wants to call her on her lie - but. But. How strange. There’s no indication of a lie: no rise in temperature, no quickening of her pulse, no change to her eyes, nothing.

She laughs. “You don’t know the half of it."

Oh my god I loved this!

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All Roads Lead To (13155 words) by theappleppielifestyle

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 08:22:08 GMT

All Roads Lead To (13155 words) by theappleppielifestyle
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Characters: Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Fate & Destiny, Identity Reveal
Summary:

After Obadiah's betrayal, Tony hides in the depths of the Midwest to become a mechanic.

The Avengers come into his life anyway.

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Shadows sway to light up my life

Wed, 18 Mar 2026 07:15:26 GMT

Here I am, setting up my little end of the blog blurb, and then I forget what I was going to post. Haha.

Started out my day having to clean my drink bottle because I found suspicious discoloring and yeah, it needed to have the lid cleaned because oops, I cleaned the main body by hand (I have stickers on it) but didn't pay attention to the rest of the apparatus. So yay. I also broke my self-ban on buying snacks from the little snack mini-market at work because I suddenly had a craving for chocolate mini-donuts and the protein pretzels so yeah.

( Read more... )

[Monthly Read List ] [Monthly To Do List]

Reading: Everything Is Tuberculosis by John Green [Goodreads][Storygraph]

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Current Fanfic: N/A
Last Watched: 2000 Mt St Helen Fury
Last song listened to: Spiritbox - Rotoscope

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Monday

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 17:22:35 GMT

( Read more... )

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2026 Book #6: The Long Game (Game Changers, #6) by Rachel Reid (414)

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 07:57:34 GMT

The Long Game by Rachel Reid
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I loved this sequel to Heated Rivalry so much. The communication, the caring, the love, and so on. My heart is so full.

View all my reviews

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Blog update

Sat, 14 Mar 2026 19:15:14 GMT

Changed my profile again. Didn't change the main icon. But I decided to go more gentle.

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2026 Book #5: Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite

Sat, 14 Mar 2026 10:18:36 GMT

Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite (240 pages)
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I don't really know how to rate this. It felt slow to start, but then as I reached the climax, I needed to know. And even then, I wasn't sure who I wanted to. . .not win, but survive maybe.

Definitely grotesque and gory and even poignant in its way.

Like do I suggest you read or warn you not to.

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Something is lifting the bones

Wed, 11 Mar 2026 08:03:23 GMT

Finished "You Deserve Good Gelato" by Kacie Rose and I loved it. Now I'm working on "Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z Brite. It's a vastly different subject and fiction. A friend I made in the Sleep Token fandom who's friendship has now extended beyond it recommended it. It's very dark and gruesome and gory, so read at your own risk.
( Read more... )

[Monthly Read List ] [Monthly To Do List]

Reading: Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z. Brite [Goodreads][Storygraph]

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Current Fanfic: N/A
Last Watched: Natural Science - Mount Rainier
Last song listened to: Sleep Token ~ Infinite Baths

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impostor syndrome (4478 words) by arahir

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 00:47:04 GMT

impostor syndrome (4478 words) by arahir
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Among Us (Video Game)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Crewmate/Impostor (Among Us)
Additional Tags: Enemies to Lovers, elite impostor falls for dumbass crewmate, A Story, about love, About death, about VENTS
Summary:

Dumbass crew newbie hides in the vents and makes a friend. In unrelated news, local impostor is having a really weird day.

"You've got something there," Green motions to Black's chest, which has a splat of dark liquid across it.
"It's… oil. From the, you know. The rear axial. Distributor." He waves at a panel on the wall, a panel which Green thought was an extra trash chute, but evidently not.
"Thanks," Green says, and means it. "Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who actually cares about getting us all out of here alive, you know?"

Still a favorite fic of arahir's. Never played the game but watched a few playthrough's on YT for context AFTER I read the fic and read a few others for fun after this. A classic, for sure.

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You Deserve Good Gelato by Kacie Rose [244 pages]

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 04:31:48 GMT

You Deserve Good Gelato by Kacie Rose
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I highly enjoyed reading this. It was heartfelt, funny in places, poignant, genuine, and overall lovely. Sometimes you follow people on social media and the face they present to the world is a mask, but Kacie is who she has always presented herself to be and I appreciate that so much.

View all my reviews

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You imploding is the outcome, your running systems failed

Thu, 05 Mar 2026 07:54:56 GMT

So. I am wayyyyyyy off on my schedule this evening. I ended up staying late at work trying to finish a report because it's due the day I get back from my mini-vacation this weekend. I took Friday through Tuesday off and the report needs to be returned Wednesday. I have the majority of it completed but there are these four accounts I have to resolve altogether and it's a pain in the ass. And on that note, it's typical that I plan to be out of office for 3 days plus 2 weekend days and I suddenly get inundated with the work I wanted to have the week or two weeks prior. Typical. I have a few items (over 100) to key tomorrow, which in theory shouldn't take that long, but I still have to finish the report among other things. If push comes to shove, I can finish the report up Wednesday by end of business and send it out, I'd just prefer not to.

( And then. . . )

[Monthly Read List ] [Monthly To Do List]

Trying to Read: You Deserve Good Gelato by Kacie Rose [Goodreads][Storygraph]

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Current Fanfic: N/A
In the Background: ASMRMagic - ASMR Pure Ear to Ear Lid Sounds (one of my fave OG ASMRtists)
Last song listened to: cut hands - deftones (Trigger warning for flashing and snakes)

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just hear the words i don’t say

Wed, 04 Mar 2026 06:17:53 GMT

Trying to make posting here more of a daily habit so it's been written into my schedule that I want to have and that I'm trying to have. So, hi, once again.

Set up all my monthly posts so if you're curious, here is my Read in March 2026 post and my To Do List - March 2026. I'll try to remember to post them at the end of what posts I make for easy finding (as if it's something anyone really wants to see hahaha - sigh). I added a few private posts, such as the daily schedule I'm trying to keep as well as fully fleshed out my 2026 goals post. I'll reveal the schedule at the end of March if it works, or if it changes. And the goals one will be for the end of the year, when I do a recap. Some things I want to keep to myself for the time being.

Speaking of my self-proposed schedule, if I don't post on DW on any given day, it's because time ran out. Yesterday I had wanted to post but I was trying to update my calibre fanfiction archive with email updates while the site was up, as well as get some reading done, so I ran out of time. Plus, I was about an hour and a half behind all day with my personal schedule, so I had to move some things around and DW was a casualty.

In reading, which has made a poor showing for me this year, I've been working through Kacie Rose's "You Deserve Good Gelato". She's a travel influencer who kind of fell into it because she met her fiance while on a solo trip to Italy and now lives in Italy with him. I initially had a video of hers come across Tiktok when I first was on it and I've enjoyed her recounting her cross-cultural hilarities and missteps. She has a lovely written voice and she comes through as genuine and funny and relatable. I've enjoyed it and have about 25% left, I think.

I was going to write about my massive music playlist, including artists I love and want to listen to but that will have to wait along with the story of the new exercise/yoga ball I got. Not much today as I was trying again to add more fanfiction to my archive and got delayed getting to my DW update time slot. OH and I should also tell you that despite being an atheist, I've joined a pretty rad bible studies under Monte Mader. It's fascinating. And I'll expound on that later.

[Monthly Read List ] [Monthly To Do List]

Trying to Read: You Deserve Good Gelato by Kacie Rose [Goodreads][Storygraph]

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Current Fanfic: N/A
In the Background: N/A
Last song listened to: burn down my house ~ Architects

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Read in January and February 2026

Mon, 02 Mar 2026 05:31:07 GMT

Combo month because I really don't want to two posts. Brain is obsessed with the archive now that I'm through the harder part lol.

Current Stats:
Books read: 3
Total pages read: 696
Fanfics read: 14
Total words read: 233,125

Fic By Fandom:

4 Hannibal
3 Star Trek
1 VLD
1 Supernatural
1 Pride and Prejudice
1 SVSSS
1 Original fic
1 Heated Rivalry (Game Changers)
1 Riddick

( Fanfiction )

( Published Works )

Note: If there is a locked post for a fic, please send a message and I'll add you to the filter. This is due to the fic being dead dove or extreme nsfw. If you want to know what that entails, please feel free to ask and I will advise.

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Two Solitudes (54491 words) by emungere

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 11:21:53 GMT

Two Solitudes (54491 words) by emungere
Chapters: 16/16
Fandom: Hannibal (TV)
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Characters: Brian Zeller, Jack Crawford, Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter
Additional Tags: Canon-Typical Violence, Cannibalism, Murder, Post-Season/Series 03, Canadian Shack, Slow Burn, Breathplay
Summary:

After the fall, Will drags Hannibal out of the Atlantic and they find their way north to a remote part of Labrador, where they try to make a life together.

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Translating Ennoia (7671 words) by WerewolvesAreReal

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 07:59:04 GMT

Translating Ennoia (7671 words) by WerewolvesAreReal
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Trek: The Original Series
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock
Additional Tags: T'hy'la, Soul Bond, Love at First Sight, Romance, Mutual Pining, Pining!Spock, Misunderstandings, Five Year Mission, Season/Series 01, Getting Together
Summary:

Spock intends to resign his commission with Starfleet six months into the Enterprise's mission. Then he meets Captain Kirk – his t'hy'la – and everything becomes infinitely more complex.

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Cause and Effect (14163 words) by Ragdoll

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 07:57:37 GMT

Cause and Effect (14163 words) by Ragdoll
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock, Amanda Grayson/Sarek
Characters: James T. Kirk, Spock (Star Trek), Amanda Grayson, Sarek (Star Trek), Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Nyota Uhura, Christopher Pike
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amanda Grayson Lives, Vulcan Culture, Romance, Attraction, Pining, Sex
Summary:

In the midst of Vulcan's destruction, Jim Kirk saves the life of a Human woman he only later learns the name of: Amanda Grayson.

It isn’t long before Spock finds gratitude transforming into a crippling and terribly inconvenient attraction.

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Bluebird (7087 words) by waldorph

Sun, 15 Feb 2026 02:06:17 GMT

Bluebird (7087 words) by waldorph
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Additional Tags: Star Trek Beyond, Don't copy to another site, Getting Together, Crew as Family, Everyone Needs A Hug
Series: Part 12 of Author's Favorites
Summary:

“Jim Kirk.”
Jim whipped around so fast most of his drink ended up on Spock, who was reaching for the phaser that wasn’t there. The Enterprise crew was parting like the biblical seas before Moses, and Jim could feel the temperature dropping.
“Mom,” Jim croaked.

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2026 Book #2: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 08:42:02 GMT

Alas, it was okay.

A couple of highlights:

When we’re overloaded with opportunities and options, we suffer from what psychologists refer to as the paradox of choice. Basically, the more options we’re given, the less satisfied we become with whatever we choose, because we’re aware of all the other options we’re potentially forfeiting.

and

You are already great because in the face of endless confusion and certain death, you continue to choose what to give a fuck about and what not to.

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stickhandling (11952 words) by moonlitgarden

Thu, 12 Feb 2026 21:21:50 GMT

stickhandling (11952 words) by moonlitgarden
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV), Game Changers Series - Rachel Reid
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov
Characters: Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Hayden Pike, J. J. Boiziau, Montreal Voyageurs | Montreal Metros Team Ensemble (Game Changers), Yuna Hollander, David Hollander
Additional Tags: Internalized Homophobia, Homophobia, Body Image, Phone Sex, Canon Compliant, Character Study
Summary:

Women flock to Rozanov; he’s the gravitational centre in every room. Shane gets it. He’s felt it, the shark pull of his orbit. He’s been swallowed up into the belly of desire. What he doesn’t get is how easy it is for Rozanov. Even with Shane’s teammates pooled around him on the dance floor his hands get clammy when a girl in a sequined skirt makes a move on him. Shane used to think maybe he was just awkward; maybe he needed a couple of beers in him to loosen up, but he couldn’t do that during the season.

Then Ilya Rozanov kissed him and the craving was so clear in Shane’s mind he was able to visualise every sharp edge of it, and he knew he wanted to be on his knees.

2013. It’s been two years since he and Rozanov hooked up in Nashville and exchanged phone numbers. It’s a month till Boston comes to Montreal and Rozanov’s promise of ‘next time’ could go into fulfilment. Shane Hollander wants to play hockey. He wants to play it well. The other thing is a thing he cannot allow himself to want.

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2026 Book #2: The Prince with No Heart by Emma Holly

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 19:40:27 GMT

I reread this on a whim and it went so fast lol

Anyway, romantasy smut from before booktok even existed.

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The perfect start to a perfect war

Wed, 04 Feb 2026 07:13:24 GMT

Trying to fix my daily schedule but again, self-sabotage wins. I haven't (obviously) kept up with the monthly posts (reading and to do list) and I feel disconnected now. Perhaps that's been my problem. I don't know.

I want to get into this new routine but I rebel against the idea of making myself follow a routine: because free will and all that jazz. But it's something that might actually make things better, but I hate having to end my free time so I can sleep and start the daily grind all over again. There's a term for it but basically I procrastinate sleep to push off the inevitable dawning of another day. So yeah, one more day of trying again. And another day of giving myself grace and trying to not turn this into a spiral of self-hate and spiraling. I'm very good at that.

I was very proud of myself for not giving in and buying more Sleep Token merch. I have so much that I don't wear or use for a variety of reasons, so it's like "why?" The only thing I really wanted was a tour poster, which I already have, and those dang bumper stickers that sold out so fast. Ugh. I also wanted a tour shirt but the only size that could fit me sold out so fast and I am not ready to try and squeeze myself into something smaller. At least I have a poster! And a couple of other things from the tour merch. Other other Even in Arcadia merch. "Wear me out like Prada" indeed.

And like the ADHD person I think I might be, I meant to finish this but remembered I wanted to reply to someone, then went about some nightly doings and just now remembered I didn't finish this. One hour later, at 11pm. Post was started at 10pm. Ah, life.

Well, going to lay down and read for a little bit. Catch you all soon.

To Do (Next time when on DW):

Close out January posts and start February posts

Blog subject line from Sleep Token - Aqua Regia

( Lyrics )

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In the silence, all your secrects raise their weary heads

Wed, 28 Jan 2026 07:37:56 GMT

My reading is crap this month. I did finish one book, Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid, because I loved the series from Crave. But I've flitted between a handful of other books and am currently reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. Next up will be trying to finish Exquisite Corpse by Poppy Z Brite and then jumping to The Long Game by Rachel Reid. Last month I made this huge list of what books I'm going to read next, and that list has been blown out of the water now haha.

What else what else. . . Lots of things going on in the world but I'm not going to go into it tonight. Except to say Abolish Ice. Impeach everyone in leadership. And Democrats, what the fuck are you doing?!

Trying to find equilibrium in the midst of everything and failing. Self-sabotage, what's new lol.

Subject is lyrics from Bird York's "In the Deep"

( Lyrics )

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