you take the dark and carve me out a home

Well well well. . .

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 21:31:49 GMT

I keep meaning to update but then time gets away from me and suddenly it's 2 hours past the time I should be in bed. Had some tests done this week just to see where I am at for my nurse practitioner and uhhhh, not good. Not terrible, but not good. So yeah. Have to make some changes to my eating, which was already in progress, but I guess I have to be more aggressive and ugh, sucks. But it is what it is. Especially if I want to live past my father (he died in 2008 at the age of 56) and my mother (alive and turning 71 this year).

Anyway, I've removed the mobile game that took up so much of my time from my phone and disabled the other one so here's hoping that means I have better time management haha. I'm also trying to use socmed with intent, rather than just opening the app. Such as checking on a specific account that I follow or posting daily whimsy. I am hoping it means I get inspired to do more, such as pick up podficcing again. I had an amazing anon message on tumblr about it and now I've been thinking about it frequently and even asked permission to do a podfic of a short 00Q fic (less than 2k words) to kind of ease my way back. Last one I posted was May of 2023. Nearly 3 years. And the one before had been posted in August of 2022. So we will see how it goes.

comments

Rambling about today's The Daily Stoic passage and other things

Sun, 22 Nov 2020 22:50:35 GMT

Sometimes I have trouble focusing. Like I know I want to do something but it just ends up revolving in my brain and I run out of time. I know my ADHD is partly to blame (SURPRISE I HAVE ADHD IN ADDITION TO EVERYTHING ELSE) so I just have to give myself a bit of forgiveness and deal with it. I've also been struggling with making a decision (also related) to how I want to move forward. In the end, I just have to let go of trying to impress people or cater to people and do my own thing. But it's hard as I want to have people like me and I hate conflict and stress out over it.

Life is difficult and finding your own path in all things is hard. Especially when society doesn't much care for those individuals who don't fit the norm, unless you do it in a fashion they find beautiful or interesting or shocking.

Recently I purchased a copy of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman because a high school friend of mine posted about it on his Instagram and I found that it rang a bell in my brain so hard that I immediately had to get the book. Since then, I haven't been consistent, but it's been nice to read these tidbits of wisdom. It fits well with my inner melting pot of buddhism and atheism and paganistic tendencies.

Today's passage was about "The Glass is Already Broken". Talking about how when things happen, for those who expect it to happen, the effect of the loss or change in fortune is less and basically, what I took from it is that your suffering is less. Yes, your favorite cup broke, or yes, your phone was stolen, but if you prepare for that eventuality, you can enjoy it as well as ensure that you have a back up plan, or a second favorite cup, or something along those lines.

I think about how I live that way in how many things I have backed up and how many cups, or coffee mugs in my case, I have because at one time I had my phone stolen out of my car. And one time, my current favorite mug broke. I know that in some cases, this might be considered too much of a backlash to something that happened to me, but it just means that the loss is less to me. That my attachment isn't so strong or devastating if such a thing is lost or broken.

At any rate, this is how I have coped and how I move forward. Every so often though, I try to lessen the things I have because it would be a lovely life to live minimally but alas, this is what makes the suffering of life less and makes me happier, so I will accept it and move on.

Life update is basically I edit a small podcast about sports and socialism and things and it's a fulfilling thing, although sometimes I am tired of it because I don't manage my time well enough to do podfic and edit this podcast, but I'm hopeful recent attempts to organize my self and my time will alleviate that. Basically I need to stop playing SIMS4 on the weekend so I have time to do podfic. LOL

This afternoon we are recording episode 30 and I like to sit in on the zoom call with them. Mainly I do that because I enjoy feeling a part of something, especially since most of my social events are non-existent because of the pandemic. But anyways, they are a good group of women and they make me laugh.

I will try to write more here and use the other sites for mirrors so people can follow but I will not add anymore unless my main group of fandom friends move anywhere else.

Thank you for reading.

comments

at least it was less than 365 days. . .

Sun, 22 Nov 2020 04:21:08 GMT

Ironic that the last time I posted I kind of indicated I would be back to update more and that was January 1st, 2020. It's been quite the year. LOL

Once again I am asking you to believe that I will be posting more often on this platform. I just hope it never disappears because that would be painful. All the years journaling online.

Nothing is happening, I just am thinking about impermanence right now.

Post something soon. :)

comments