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josilverdragonI've really gotten further into "Spare" and while Harry has some wins, there's a lot of emotional and mental issues he's dealing with and sharing in this and I think my empathy is strong right now because this evening after taiko practice, my mood really dropped and I had to just put my phone on do not disturb and read for a couple hours.
I keep going through ereaders, color e-ink, kindle paperwhite, oasis, etc and reviewing them and trying to decide which one I should get and then I remove it from my cart and just get a new screen protector, a new clear case for the fire hd 8 I have and got a new clear case for my phone. I've had 3 (cases for my phone) in the last 4 years or so because clear cases always turn yellow because of the oil and dirt and sun exposure and so on. I use a pop socket (or phone grip) for all my kindles as well as my phone because it makes handling them so much easier. I wish I could just buy that ereader, whatever it might be or could have been, and not feel guilty about it.
In the back of my mind, I think Binderary will be a bust for me. But that damn cold threw me off and like tonight, I'm just a mess still. Just because apparently I am.
I never received a Christmas card from my grandmother. My one biological grandmother left. I did send her a nut mix from Swiss Colony and a large print crossword book that she apparently picked up and started working on it as soon as she received it. I called her and talked with her and made sure she got her gifts and that she was well. Honestly, I grapple with feeling sad and ignored because I didn't get a card while my cousin, with his wife and baby, got theirs as well as gift money, while also remembering that my grandmother does not owe me a damn thing. None of my family does. But Grams was the one who kept sending cards without fail, while everyone else in my family forgot about me because my biological father (her son), was the black sheep. He was gay, got arrested and was in jail and here I am, his daughter, his child, not following with the traditional American Family (TM) rules and expectations. Anyway, it just hurts. Even if I know that she had car problems and I keep hoping I might get a card saying sorry and merry belated christmas, even if there isn't any damn gift money in it. Acknowledgement.
Also, my mood could be because I said in practice that the person who ends the song with the final "te ke" on the shime drum should be the person who's senior most and they ignored me.
So essentially, I think it may be I just feel like no one listens to me, no one cares, no one looks for me. I know I'll be fine in the morning, but man these emotions fucking suck.
At least my weight is going down again after stalling during the week I had a cold. I thought maybe it might have been something I did, but no, it was just I didn't move around a lot and slept a lot. And I ended up with a lot of eating out that week (take out rather).
Anyway, I'm going to stop whining now and continue working through my fic hoard organization. I'm on the last 2500 line items! lol
I keep going through ereaders, color e-ink, kindle paperwhite, oasis, etc and reviewing them and trying to decide which one I should get and then I remove it from my cart and just get a new screen protector, a new clear case for the fire hd 8 I have and got a new clear case for my phone. I've had 3 (cases for my phone) in the last 4 years or so because clear cases always turn yellow because of the oil and dirt and sun exposure and so on. I use a pop socket (or phone grip) for all my kindles as well as my phone because it makes handling them so much easier. I wish I could just buy that ereader, whatever it might be or could have been, and not feel guilty about it.
In the back of my mind, I think Binderary will be a bust for me. But that damn cold threw me off and like tonight, I'm just a mess still. Just because apparently I am.
I never received a Christmas card from my grandmother. My one biological grandmother left. I did send her a nut mix from Swiss Colony and a large print crossword book that she apparently picked up and started working on it as soon as she received it. I called her and talked with her and made sure she got her gifts and that she was well. Honestly, I grapple with feeling sad and ignored because I didn't get a card while my cousin, with his wife and baby, got theirs as well as gift money, while also remembering that my grandmother does not owe me a damn thing. None of my family does. But Grams was the one who kept sending cards without fail, while everyone else in my family forgot about me because my biological father (her son), was the black sheep. He was gay, got arrested and was in jail and here I am, his daughter, his child, not following with the traditional American Family (TM) rules and expectations. Anyway, it just hurts. Even if I know that she had car problems and I keep hoping I might get a card saying sorry and merry belated christmas, even if there isn't any damn gift money in it. Acknowledgement.
Also, my mood could be because I said in practice that the person who ends the song with the final "te ke" on the shime drum should be the person who's senior most and they ignored me.
So essentially, I think it may be I just feel like no one listens to me, no one cares, no one looks for me. I know I'll be fine in the morning, but man these emotions fucking suck.
At least my weight is going down again after stalling during the week I had a cold. I thought maybe it might have been something I did, but no, it was just I didn't move around a lot and slept a lot. And I ended up with a lot of eating out that week (take out rather).
Anyway, I'm going to stop whining now and continue working through my fic hoard organization. I'm on the last 2500 line items! lol
