you take the dark and carve me out a home

• "i am yours in the end" - Sleep Token
• "are you in pain like i am" - Sleep Token
• shoulder tat on right - unicorn (kind of skeleton-ish with rainbow mane and tail)
• finger/ring tats (design or idea undecided as of yet)
• something added to my back tat
• and not a tat, but maybe lasering off my very first tat as it's not great lol

I was just going to post a reading update, which I eventually will do, as I have actually read 9 out of the 12 books I had a goal to read in 2024 and I'm really surprised because I was in such a drought with reading. I had made the goal of 12 because I didn't want to pressure myself to read a ton. A book a month (novels, not a comic or manga or manhua) sounded reasonable for a goal and now it's not even halfway through the year and I am 75% of the way done. Like. . . WHAT lol

Well, I'll go ahead and post about it since I'm on that topic. I finished Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross while sitting in the Denver airport on Sunday and while many passages I read hit hard emotionally (I'll share them here), the ending made me cold. So I won't be continuing reading the series unless I change my mind (which, honestly, is possible with me XD).

oversensitive fugue I was in after getting back to my hotel (which I will talk about later) but here are some of the quotes that hit me hardest. Spoilers for if you haven't read the book yet.

While she was reading it a second time, soaking in their words and pondering how to respond to something that felt so intimate it could have been whispered from her own mouth, another letter came over the threshold. Iris stood to fetch it, and that was the first time she truly tried to envision who this person was. She tried, but they were nothing more than stars and smoke and words pressed on a page. - Chapter 9: One Piece of Armor

But time will slowly heal you, as it is doing for me. There are good days and there are difficult days. Your grief will never fully fade; it will always be with you - a shadow you carry in your soul - but it will become fainter as your life becomes brighter. You will learn to live outside of it again, as impossible as that may sound. Others who share your pain will also help you heal. Because you are not alone. Not in your fear or your grief or your hopes or your dreams.
You are not alone. - Chapter 12: A Shadow You Carry

Dear Iris,
I don't think you realize how strong you are, because sometimes strength isn't swords and steel and fire, as we are so often made to believe. Sometimes it's found in quiet, gentle places. The way you hold someone's hand as they grieve. The way you listen to others. The way you show up, day after day, even when you are weary or afraid or simply uncertain.
That is strength, and I see it in you.
As for your bravery... I can honestly tell you I don't know anyone of your mettle. Who else packs up everything and leaves the comfort of their home to become a war correspondent? Not many. I admire you, in more ways than one.
Keep writing. You will find the words you need to share. They are already within you, even in the shadows, hiding like jewels.
Yours,
-C
-Chapter 23: Champagne & Blood

She has to survive this, Roman thought. He didn't want to live in a world without her and her words.
-Chapter 31: Western Wind

I am so afraid. And yet how I long to be vulnerable and brave when it comes to my own heart.
-Chapter 34: C.

"I pray that my days will be long at your side. Let me fill and satisfy every longing in your soul. May your hand be in mine, by sun and by night. Let our breaths twine and our blood become one, until our bones return to dust. Even then, may I find your soul still sworn to mine."
-Chapter 39: Vows in the Dark

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Many of these really just made me long to have someone feel that way about me and sad knowing that the probability of such emotions directed my way is really as close to zero as I can fathom. The prose is beautifully emotional in this book and it really hit me in the feels but as I stated above, the ending made me not want to continue it.

Now to the actual subject of this post as originally intended was to tell you all that I climbed a mountain. . . of stairs that is. At Red Rocks in Colorado. I was there this last weekend to watch my favorite band, Sleep Token, perform in the amazingly beautiful Red Rocks amphitheatre. While I am so glad and grateful to have attended, it is not likely that this will be a repeat performance for me. It's beautiful but the air is 80% of the oxygen I normally breathe, as it's near to the mile high city, Denver, and is set higher in elevation than Denver is.

I visited RR on the day before the concert/ritual because I wanted to get a feel for the place before rolling in on Sunday morning. Here are Saturday's photos.
( Photos )

Sooo it's been a while. And a bit has happened.

It is official. As of December 31, I will no be longer director of the drum group. And I am relieved. It's been very emotional. I announced it 11/30 and the group has been taking over everything and I am grateful that I don't have to deal with the business of it anymore.

December 2nd, my parents and I went to the Spectrum Singers winter concert as I am considering joining this next session. I blame Sleep Token, and more specifically Vessel, for my returning interest in singing. My Mom and Dad think it's a good idea and they think I'll blow them away with my voice but I'm like. . . I probably won't but okay. Mom has grand ideas of me helping to teach the other singers to sing better and yeah, probably not.

On the topic of Sleep Token, I am closely following the rituals in Germany and Wembley is in 6 days!!!! I am wondering what announcement is coming on Monday from them. I am planning to go to at least 3 if not 4 concerts this year so we'll see how that works out. I very nearly got tickets to NYC's RCMH to see their concert there but it sold out. Oh well lol.

So yeah. The vast change this year in that I actually want to travel is the biggest surprise and gift? that this band has given me. 2022 I became a Swiftie for about 5 months and September 2023, I became obsessed with a band called Sleep Token.

When I think back on this and how much I love this band, I remember years ago wanting something that I loved so much like my friends loved their bands. I never did find it back then. Little did I know that 19 years later (OMG ARE YOU SERIOUS), the band arrived into my life and I got to see them live within 2 weeks of discovering them. HOW FREAKING CRAZY WAS THAT.

Anyway, I love this band a normal amount. (/sarcasm)

Since today is Sunday, my usual order of business is to go pick up the groceries for the week. Mom and I order them separately and I pick them up for both of us and that's that. Today I was waiting for the order and I remembered that it was 7 weeks ago that I listened to "Take Me Back To Eden" for the first time. 18 days later, I saw them live. And here I am today.

While on the drive home today, I was thinking about what was it about the band and the sound that made me fall in love with them. A lot of my past historical music enjoyment has been epic sounds, or cinematic soundtracks, etc. My music interests are very wide and varied. But I am not a much of a metal fan. I liked Linkin Park a lot, but it was the rare song that I appreciated that was of the metal genre other than that. So ultimately, I think what drew me in was just how genre bending it is. I've heard some people say that Sleep Token's sound is music for musicians. I love the epicness of the sound, the variations in a single album, etc. And Vessel's absolutely gloriousness of a voice.

In essence, Sleep Token for me is cinematic metal. Melodic metal. Ambient metal. And frankly, just damn good music. I can't believe its only been 7 weeks since I started listening. I feel like I was waiting for him. Him and his music. And the absolute pure poetry of his lyrics, my god. I look forward to many more years enjoying Vessel's talents, no matter the form they take. Whether under his real name in the future, or under the continued anonymous façade and band.