Social Media Hiatus Day 4
Aug. 4th, 2025 10:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
josilverdragonSince I had to return to work today, I opted to instead make a list of topics that occurred to me to write about instead of piece-parting it throughout the day. This allows for some introspection versus immediate reaction, which has become the norm for my own communication on social media, as well as many others' form of communication on their accounts because that is encouraged. React now, get likes now, get validation now, and so on and while the plan today was not actually planned, I think my decision was made better by this realization. So, without further adieu, please enjoy the below. Or not. I'll be writing this for me, and if you should decide to read the whole shebang, I do hope you enjoy.
Sleep Token and Thornhill
Despite not being on my usual social media platforms, I still have Discord and several of them post updates about the band when they happen and thusly I learned that Sleep Token's Even In Arcadia tour will now include a special guest, Thornhill. Now, I had been looking forward to an entire concert (aka "ritual") with just my favorite band playing through songs I have yet to hate. However, the choice to have Thornhill be apart of the tour is so freaking cool. I actually saw them in Spokane in June of 2024 as they were touring with Invent Animate (who I really was going to see) and the headliner, Northlane. They are a pretty good band, not a favorite or one that I listen to often, but I liked their 2019 album enough to buy a physical copy of it and I have a tshirt and hat from the tour so I feel pretty cool about having merch from this band already.
I still have to capture the post and shares by the band members of Sleep Token for the archive but I listened to Thornhill's The Deep Pool while getting ready for work this morning and added their albums to my big shuffle playlist. I also plan on making a setlist playlist based on one of their headliners from this last year. All in all, I'm pretty happy about my band's choice of tour mates. If the drummer is at the merch table afterword, I'll be happy to say hello and "It's good to see you again!" Or at least, in my little daydreams this morning, I hope I can do what I was imagining. It most likely will not happen that way but it's nice to imagine.
IG | X | FB
Paused for saving of screenshots of Sleep Token's posts today and cat who demanded to be held.
Insecurity and Communication
At some point this morning, I was sharing the information about Thornhill in the Discord that I am most active in. This Discord is made up of people that I met as a result of Sleep Token (and some unmasked band stuff) and that have become some of my closest online friends. Anyway, I was feeling insecure and that maybe I was being a pest for posting so much with minimal or no reaction or interaction from this group of people so I posted "Sorry about being so chatty. It's apparent I really have no life" or something like that and was very reassured that everyone is busy but that they do not have any issue, that this is a safe space, so on and so forth and I felt loved. They are good people, the whole lot of them. I wish I was also meeting them this tour but the cards didn't align yet again. Maybe we can take a EU trip and see the band altogether but it may or may not happen.
Anyway, I love them.
Sleep Token and Thornhill
Despite not being on my usual social media platforms, I still have Discord and several of them post updates about the band when they happen and thusly I learned that Sleep Token's Even In Arcadia tour will now include a special guest, Thornhill. Now, I had been looking forward to an entire concert (aka "ritual") with just my favorite band playing through songs I have yet to hate. However, the choice to have Thornhill be apart of the tour is so freaking cool. I actually saw them in Spokane in June of 2024 as they were touring with Invent Animate (who I really was going to see) and the headliner, Northlane. They are a pretty good band, not a favorite or one that I listen to often, but I liked their 2019 album enough to buy a physical copy of it and I have a tshirt and hat from the tour so I feel pretty cool about having merch from this band already.
I still have to capture the post and shares by the band members of Sleep Token for the archive but I listened to Thornhill's The Deep Pool while getting ready for work this morning and added their albums to my big shuffle playlist. I also plan on making a setlist playlist based on one of their headliners from this last year. All in all, I'm pretty happy about my band's choice of tour mates. If the drummer is at the merch table afterword, I'll be happy to say hello and "It's good to see you again!" Or at least, in my little daydreams this morning, I hope I can do what I was imagining. It most likely will not happen that way but it's nice to imagine.
IG | X | FB
Paused for saving of screenshots of Sleep Token's posts today and cat who demanded to be held.
Insecurity and Communication
At some point this morning, I was sharing the information about Thornhill in the Discord that I am most active in. This Discord is made up of people that I met as a result of Sleep Token (and some unmasked band stuff) and that have become some of my closest online friends. Anyway, I was feeling insecure and that maybe I was being a pest for posting so much with minimal or no reaction or interaction from this group of people so I posted "Sorry about being so chatty. It's apparent I really have no life" or something like that and was very reassured that everyone is busy but that they do not have any issue, that this is a safe space, so on and so forth and I felt loved. They are good people, the whole lot of them. I wish I was also meeting them this tour but the cards didn't align yet again. Maybe we can take a EU trip and see the band altogether but it may or may not happen.
Anyway, I love them.
Local Friendships
Which brings me to my next topic. For almost the entirety of my time living in Spokane with my family, I have not had local friends beyond that of the taiko group or work. And what friends I had in the workplace faded with the separation that happened during 2020 covid times. One moved to Minnesota or Michigan, the other got a job with one of the local schools. And any one still left was not close enough to really keep in touch other than through social media.
As for the taiko group, once I decided that for my mental health and well being I needed to leave the group, meant that I lost the entirety of the friend group once I left. And it saddened me and I KNEW that leaving would do that. The leaving part that hurt the most was this fact. They might have tried to say that they would keep in touch, but I knew the truth. When a group of people who wouldn't be friends outside of taiko part ways, they don't remain as friends. I knew that. It was a break up with the group as a whole versus just me stepping down. And when it was discussed that I would come back as a solid support player, the amount of bullshit that was raised in opposition to me just soured any good feelings I had.
All of the above in this section to say that I need to find local friends. I just need to find something I'm interested in locally and just go consistently. I had kind of hoped that the Spectrum Singers would be a nice option but I felt so ostracized. Just so much of an outsider that even some of the interactions I did have with people felt off. New people other than me the season I tried to join all seemed to know someone and yeah, it just felt so wrong. So there went that.
And some day I should really delve into my awkward uncomfortableness being in queer spaces. Despite identifying as I do (non-binary and asexual if you are not aware), I always feel like I'm not able to exist in those spaces.
Anyway, I need to find a friend. Locally. Not hours away. Like my ST friend group is. Just need to locate something to do. Adding "look for local groups to join or check out" to my list of things to do. The ever longer list of things I need or want to do.
Which brings me to my next topic. For almost the entirety of my time living in Spokane with my family, I have not had local friends beyond that of the taiko group or work. And what friends I had in the workplace faded with the separation that happened during 2020 covid times. One moved to Minnesota or Michigan, the other got a job with one of the local schools. And any one still left was not close enough to really keep in touch other than through social media.
As for the taiko group, once I decided that for my mental health and well being I needed to leave the group, meant that I lost the entirety of the friend group once I left. And it saddened me and I KNEW that leaving would do that. The leaving part that hurt the most was this fact. They might have tried to say that they would keep in touch, but I knew the truth. When a group of people who wouldn't be friends outside of taiko part ways, they don't remain as friends. I knew that. It was a break up with the group as a whole versus just me stepping down. And when it was discussed that I would come back as a solid support player, the amount of bullshit that was raised in opposition to me just soured any good feelings I had.
All of the above in this section to say that I need to find local friends. I just need to find something I'm interested in locally and just go consistently. I had kind of hoped that the Spectrum Singers would be a nice option but I felt so ostracized. Just so much of an outsider that even some of the interactions I did have with people felt off. New people other than me the season I tried to join all seemed to know someone and yeah, it just felt so wrong. So there went that.
And some day I should really delve into my awkward uncomfortableness being in queer spaces. Despite identifying as I do (non-binary and asexual if you are not aware), I always feel like I'm not able to exist in those spaces.
Anyway, I need to find a friend. Locally. Not hours away. Like my ST friend group is. Just need to locate something to do. Adding "look for local groups to join or check out" to my list of things to do. The ever longer list of things I need or want to do.
Fitbit
Random but I forgot to put on my fitbit AGAIN this morning. I thought about it while getting ready for work today. Thought about it while getting my lunch together. Thought about it while make sure the cats have water. Yet was strapped in to my SUV, reversing out of my parking spot, before I realized that I had not in fact remembered my fitbit. And I stopped my vehicle, thought about it a further 10 to 20 seconds before I went "Fuck it. I don't need to track my steps THAT badly." Haha.
It is still sitting on my desk as of even now. And I will be putting it back on once I'm done with this section. Ha.
Hand and Wrist Issues
Over the course of the last 17 years working for a corporation where I have used a mouse and keyboard not only at work but also while at home, I have dealt with random wrist stuff. Some of that was probably due to taiko as well from time to time, but I have had a plethora of wrist braces and other things to help out. In the summer of 2022, while on the way to Long Beach, WA, I couldn't figure out why my thumb felt numb. Lo and behold I soon discover that it was a symptom of carpal tunnel. A few weeks of wearing a brace at night and while driving and as much as I was able to during the day meant that my thumb went back to normal. Flash forward to this year, I let it linger and kept neglecting to put on a brace and now my thumb, forefinger and middle finger are experiencing issues. So now I have to do some exercises and stretches in addition to changing my keyboards and mouses to more ergonomic options in the hopes of mitigating further issues. So far it has helped a little. The actual biggest help has been this social media and mobile game hiatus because that has been where the most recent exacerbation of the condition came from.
So now I'm hopeful that it will get better even more so by the end of August, otherwise I'll have to utilize medical help to try and resolve it or make it better.
SIGH.
Further Revelations about this Social Media Hiatus - TW for Self Harm talk
Another thing about maintaining a break from social media is the amount I have been using it to distract myself from my personal and mental issues. It was a means of mindlessly scrolling or playing a game or whatever, instead of dealing with my shit. I have have a lot. The awareness that I am autism and ADHD-adjacent with my trichotillomanic BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior) and that I do have an ED.
On Friday, when I had my Trich episode and disassociation, I believe it is a result of the loss of the distraction and anxiety in connection to social media. I am just hoping that by the end of this hiatus, I'll be better.
I know I should probably seek out help but in my entire lifetime of reaching out for help from professionals, it has been passing me on to someone else, charging almost $300 for a single visit and prescribing anti-psychotics that was a precursor to a period of time in which I partook of self harm, for which, much like my baldness from my disorder, the scars still remain, even 20 years later.
It's a work in progress.
My Library
One of the ways I've been trying to cope with the current political landscape of this country has been developing the spare room into a library. Mom and I share enough books to fill it and the bookcases out in the former family room now turned office for Mom. It was also my way of trying to move out from my room further, as I literally only live in my room, and my bathroom.
Most of my reasoning behind that is a desire to not cause annoyance to my parents to make them want me to leave. The other is the need to minimize me and not be a burden on others here in the household. So, I started by moving some extra things into the extra room and then proposed turning it in to a library.
Anyhow, my plan for this was to be a space where one just escapes to read. We did get a chair that can double as a place someone can sleep if needed. Today, I took 30 minutes and read part of Mickey 7, which I bought from the Broken Binding publishing group from the UK. I love their special editions and joined both their Sci Fi membership and Fantasy memberships lol. It was nice. I still have a lot to do in the library, but it is nice to have.
Well, that's all that I have to journal about today. Work was okay, and I had mac and cheese for dinner which is never a bad thing. I'll need to try and get to bed on time tonight because I was up until almost 2AM this morning and yeah, I need to try and meet that goal of 7 hours of sleep/rest a night, which I have yet to accomplish lol.
Oh and I have added an unenviable project of trying to move some posts from tumblr to DW. Consolidation, I suppose lol. Why. LOL. I'll work on it, slowly, like I have been with the fanfiction correction project in Calibre.
And that's where I'll leave it. Because at this point I could probably keep rambling on and on and on. I haven't journaled like this in years. And I am enjoying it.
Good night!
Random but I forgot to put on my fitbit AGAIN this morning. I thought about it while getting ready for work today. Thought about it while getting my lunch together. Thought about it while make sure the cats have water. Yet was strapped in to my SUV, reversing out of my parking spot, before I realized that I had not in fact remembered my fitbit. And I stopped my vehicle, thought about it a further 10 to 20 seconds before I went "Fuck it. I don't need to track my steps THAT badly." Haha.
It is still sitting on my desk as of even now. And I will be putting it back on once I'm done with this section. Ha.
Hand and Wrist Issues
Over the course of the last 17 years working for a corporation where I have used a mouse and keyboard not only at work but also while at home, I have dealt with random wrist stuff. Some of that was probably due to taiko as well from time to time, but I have had a plethora of wrist braces and other things to help out. In the summer of 2022, while on the way to Long Beach, WA, I couldn't figure out why my thumb felt numb. Lo and behold I soon discover that it was a symptom of carpal tunnel. A few weeks of wearing a brace at night and while driving and as much as I was able to during the day meant that my thumb went back to normal. Flash forward to this year, I let it linger and kept neglecting to put on a brace and now my thumb, forefinger and middle finger are experiencing issues. So now I have to do some exercises and stretches in addition to changing my keyboards and mouses to more ergonomic options in the hopes of mitigating further issues. So far it has helped a little. The actual biggest help has been this social media and mobile game hiatus because that has been where the most recent exacerbation of the condition came from.
So now I'm hopeful that it will get better even more so by the end of August, otherwise I'll have to utilize medical help to try and resolve it or make it better.
SIGH.
Further Revelations about this Social Media Hiatus - TW for Self Harm talk
Another thing about maintaining a break from social media is the amount I have been using it to distract myself from my personal and mental issues. It was a means of mindlessly scrolling or playing a game or whatever, instead of dealing with my shit. I have have a lot. The awareness that I am autism and ADHD-adjacent with my trichotillomanic BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior) and that I do have an ED.
On Friday, when I had my Trich episode and disassociation, I believe it is a result of the loss of the distraction and anxiety in connection to social media. I am just hoping that by the end of this hiatus, I'll be better.
I know I should probably seek out help but in my entire lifetime of reaching out for help from professionals, it has been passing me on to someone else, charging almost $300 for a single visit and prescribing anti-psychotics that was a precursor to a period of time in which I partook of self harm, for which, much like my baldness from my disorder, the scars still remain, even 20 years later.
It's a work in progress.
My Library
One of the ways I've been trying to cope with the current political landscape of this country has been developing the spare room into a library. Mom and I share enough books to fill it and the bookcases out in the former family room now turned office for Mom. It was also my way of trying to move out from my room further, as I literally only live in my room, and my bathroom.
Most of my reasoning behind that is a desire to not cause annoyance to my parents to make them want me to leave. The other is the need to minimize me and not be a burden on others here in the household. So, I started by moving some extra things into the extra room and then proposed turning it in to a library.
Anyhow, my plan for this was to be a space where one just escapes to read. We did get a chair that can double as a place someone can sleep if needed. Today, I took 30 minutes and read part of Mickey 7, which I bought from the Broken Binding publishing group from the UK. I love their special editions and joined both their Sci Fi membership and Fantasy memberships lol. It was nice. I still have a lot to do in the library, but it is nice to have.
Well, that's all that I have to journal about today. Work was okay, and I had mac and cheese for dinner which is never a bad thing. I'll need to try and get to bed on time tonight because I was up until almost 2AM this morning and yeah, I need to try and meet that goal of 7 hours of sleep/rest a night, which I have yet to accomplish lol.
Oh and I have added an unenviable project of trying to move some posts from tumblr to DW. Consolidation, I suppose lol. Why. LOL. I'll work on it, slowly, like I have been with the fanfiction correction project in Calibre.
And that's where I'll leave it. Because at this point I could probably keep rambling on and on and on. I haven't journaled like this in years. And I am enjoying it.
Good night!
