you take the dark and carve me out a home

For the first time I am uncertain of posting a poem. I've posted dark poems, my own version of erotic poetry, depressed poems, sad poems, love poems, etc., and yet. . . I am uncertain about this one. Particularly because the inspiration for it is a person who doesn't know I exist (though I post many others of those so what the deal). It's currently scheduled for 3pm tomorrow afternoon and I HAVE A DOUBT.

Part of that doubt is the delusion that anyone from this person's circle or the person themselves could see it but again - I AM DELULU XD. I only have 119?? subscribers on that blog and my range of influence is like. . . 50? views by like 20 people? so it's HIGHLY HIGHLY doubtful AND YET STILL. I still yet have a disclaimer on the site that the poems may not be written about anyone real or have to do with real life situations YET STILL.

Also, I have 119 subscribers. Some from 2016! Like holy hell. Thanks for sticking around! (Can you tell I checked my subscriber list before? or rather I DIDN'T XD)

Anyway, I may set the poem as subscriber only. Yeah, I think I will (EDIT to add I changed it back to public because I listened to a song from the band again and yeah, I think it will be fine lol). That way it's not random viewers but people who have been around a while. And it's strange to think of having subscribers/followers here on the poetry blog and on this blog (not any yet because it's newer) as I have been mostly a Twit, tumblr, Facebook user. I'm used to interacting on those other platforms, but Wordpress is a whole other deal and an older sort of experience, much like Livejournal or Dreamwidth. I still have both LJ and DW but I haven't logged on to LJ in a long time (not a fan of the owners) and I just can't get back into the flow of Dreamwidth and suddenly found myself here when I got inspired to write more poetry.

I was also thinking just now of what the hell I want to do with this blog. Other than just ramble on like I have been or have specific sort of themes to posts or whatever. I'm not necessarily one who likes to over analyze certain things. MY LIFE, yes, I will overanalyze but as far as the music I love or books I read or crafts I do, I don't necessarily have anything that I want to try and do, other than just share my life long-form again. Who knows if anyone will ever interact, or if anyone will ever subscribe, especially if they are subscribed to my poetry blog. I find that I'm not worried about it. I'm not doing this for anything or anyone but me. (Well, I may also be doing this as a means to show the universe I am here and maybe someone will find me and be someone to me? I am ever the hopeful that I'll find someone who sparks the desire to actually be with someone lol)

Since today is Sunday, my usual order of business is to go pick up the groceries for the week. Mom and I order them separately and I pick them up for both of us and that's that. Today I was waiting for the order and I remembered that it was 7 weeks ago that I listened to "Take Me Back To Eden" for the first time. 18 days later, I saw them live. And here I am today.

While on the drive home today, I was thinking about what was it about the band and the sound that made me fall in love with them. A lot of my past historical music enjoyment has been epic sounds, or cinematic soundtracks, etc. My music interests are very wide and varied. But I am not a much of a metal fan. I liked Linkin Park a lot, but it was the rare song that I appreciated that was of the metal genre other than that. So ultimately, I think what drew me in was just how genre bending it is. I've heard some people say that Sleep Token's sound is music for musicians. I love the epicness of the sound, the variations in a single album, etc. And Vessel's absolutely gloriousness of a voice.

In essence, Sleep Token for me is cinematic metal. Melodic metal. Ambient metal. And frankly, just damn good music. I can't believe its only been 7 weeks since I started listening. I feel like I was waiting for him. Him and his music. And the absolute pure poetry of his lyrics, my god. I look forward to many more years enjoying Vessel's talents, no matter the form they take. Whether under his real name in the future, or under the continued anonymous façade and band.

No longer will I wait for you.

I will always look for your face
in every person I meet
but no longer will I wait.

Perhaps it was a mistake to wait for you
but now I am awake.
Now I will hope to find you
in the journey I take.