you take the dark and carve me out a home

For the first time I am uncertain of posting a poem. I've posted dark poems, my own version of erotic poetry, depressed poems, sad poems, love poems, etc., and yet. . . I am uncertain about this one. Particularly because the inspiration for it is a person who doesn't know I exist (though I post many others of those so what the deal). It's currently scheduled for 3pm tomorrow afternoon and I HAVE A DOUBT.

Part of that doubt is the delusion that anyone from this person's circle or the person themselves could see it but again - I AM DELULU XD. I only have 119?? subscribers on that blog and my range of influence is like. . . 50? views by like 20 people? so it's HIGHLY HIGHLY doubtful AND YET STILL. I still yet have a disclaimer on the site that the poems may not be written about anyone real or have to do with real life situations YET STILL.

Also, I have 119 subscribers. Some from 2016! Like holy hell. Thanks for sticking around! (Can you tell I checked my subscriber list before? or rather I DIDN'T XD)

Anyway, I may set the poem as subscriber only. Yeah, I think I will (EDIT to add I changed it back to public because I listened to a song from the band again and yeah, I think it will be fine lol). That way it's not random viewers but people who have been around a while. And it's strange to think of having subscribers/followers here on the poetry blog and on this blog (not any yet because it's newer) as I have been mostly a Twit, tumblr, Facebook user. I'm used to interacting on those other platforms, but Wordpress is a whole other deal and an older sort of experience, much like Livejournal or Dreamwidth. I still have both LJ and DW but I haven't logged on to LJ in a long time (not a fan of the owners) and I just can't get back into the flow of Dreamwidth and suddenly found myself here when I got inspired to write more poetry.

I was also thinking just now of what the hell I want to do with this blog. Other than just ramble on like I have been or have specific sort of themes to posts or whatever. I'm not necessarily one who likes to over analyze certain things. MY LIFE, yes, I will overanalyze but as far as the music I love or books I read or crafts I do, I don't necessarily have anything that I want to try and do, other than just share my life long-form again. Who knows if anyone will ever interact, or if anyone will ever subscribe, especially if they are subscribed to my poetry blog. I find that I'm not worried about it. I'm not doing this for anything or anyone but me. (Well, I may also be doing this as a means to show the universe I am here and maybe someone will find me and be someone to me? I am ever the hopeful that I'll find someone who sparks the desire to actually be with someone lol)

The first two things I needed to do in order to orchestrate my exit from the group I am apart of have been accomplished. Now it's a waiting game until the official announcement.

If I could leave earlier, I would. But I will be there through our final performances this year. I can give them that much.